C’est Cheese!

This?  Is a  A Fabulous Fondue of Valentine’s Day Goodness!

Love songs.  You know, the songs you don’t admit to anyone that you know every single lyric to.  The ones you listened to in your cheesiest moments.  Many heard at a high school dance.  Like Zeppelin’s “Stairway”, the songs you danced with your crush to, trying to cop some kind of feel, swaying and being mushy in adolescent  Hollywood romanticized love.

For all my musical snobbery, it amazes me that I was able to collaborate such a list of cheesy goodness.  That once the creative juices started to collectively flow, how many songs – most of them nostalgic in nature – came forward for consideration.  Much gratitude to those that entertained me with their singing of songs and mad research skillz (ahem.. Steel Man…), their like-mindedness in cheese choice (ahem.. Bros…) and their penchant for recruitment from the ones around them (ahem.. Faubert…).  A completely stellar list. Thank you, as always, for the inspiration and aid.

And yes, I know all the words.  Sad.  But true.

This is how we cheese it up for all you gooey gobsters out there.  Sing along.  Just don’t admit that you did it.

A Veritable Vestibule of Valentine’s Vocalization: Top 10 Songs To Guarantee a Cheese-eriffic Valentine’s Day

#10: Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

A song entirely made up of baritone moaning.  90210 made it memorable.  Who didn’t want to be Helena Christensen frolicking in the surf (or to have her frolicking with them)?  How many people made out on the beach to this song in the mid-90s?

#9: My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion

A shipwreck of a love song.  Oh, yes.  I just said that.  Chest-pounding Celine and some thoroughly cheese-y goo.  It doesn’t get any better.

#8:  I Would Do Anything – Meatloaf

Beauty and.. the Beast?  A classic video that I grudgingly admit I watched religiously while singing along.

#7:  Take My Breath Away – Berlin

Before Tom Cruise lost his mind (and his marriage.. thank you Celeb Gossip…), he was pretty dreamy.  To my pre-teen self.  The original goo.

#6: (Everything I Do) I Do it For You – Bryan Adams

Robin Hood.  Merry Men.  And a song that everyone danced to at a school dance.  Sway along, people.

#5: Love you Like a Love Song – Selena Gomez

It occurred to us that we had a ton of songs from our nostalgic pasts.  Nothing truly new (since I assume we’ve evolved in our taste for cheese to not include overt-lyrical mush).  This is our nod to how the love song has evolved.  It’s a bit pathetic, really.  A ballad for this generation? I’ve mocked this song before, so I won’t ask the obvious question (how does one love like a love song? The answer isn’t all that complimentary…)

#4:  More Than Words – Extreme

The one song we can all sing verbatim without any music in the background.  Who didn’t want to grow their hair and pick up a guitar?

#3: Never Tear Us Apart – INXS

It has been pointed out, multiple times, that when anyone searches for an “us” song, the choice by the masses seems to be this song.  It’s on everyone’s list.  Making it a top contender for the ultimate in cheese.

#2: I Just Called (To Say I Love You) – Stevie Wonder

Who doesn’t love this song?  You don’t have to admit it, we know.  Classic Stevie.

#1: Careless Whisper – WHAM!

There was some debate about whether this was a George Michael song, or a Wham! song.  I’m giving it to Wham! Mostly because it occurred to me that Wham! was the original punctuation-band.  Now I get you Fun-Dot.  Clever boys.  Do you think the sax is what makes the song?  Sax is quite close to the word “sex”.. subliminal message or conspiracy theory about why so many cheesy love songs feature saxes?

Although, this video was provided as an example.. which mocks the hell out of the cheese.  Extremely well played!  I was impressed.  As I so often am when musical meanderings surprise me.  “He doesn’t like George Michael!!! Boo!!”

Of course, while discussing the overt gooey-ness featured above, talks turned to the quote-unquote love songs (insert air quoting here) that you don’t really hate.  The Cure’s Love Song and even Tori Amos’ cover of it.  U2’s “One” (my favourite… this led to talk of White Whales and waiting for a Steel Man and Ice Man to guest blog – a coming attraction that I’ll merely sidenote here for increased interest).  Our Honourable Mentions today go to two “love” songs that we don’t think suck.  Watch these tomorrow when you haven’t had your eyeballs burned out with the vibrant colours of red and pink; you are not reveling in singleton sadness (if you’re the single sort); you are not missing someone or wallowing in the winter of your discontent.  Or even after today when you will not be inevitably mocking the commercial nature of a holiday invented by Hallmark (Google challenge – was it?!).  Might I suggest watching these next two videos with a heaping side dish of discount chocolate (again proving that Feb. 15 is actually a great celebration day – half price chocolate!!) and singing along proudly.

U2 – All I Want

Annie Lennox – Love Song for a Vampire

Happy Heart Day dear readers.  We think you’re pretty awesome Valentines.  (How was that for cheese?!) As always, we want to hear your thoughts!  What cheese are you listening to today?

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About Betty Beat

Musical afficionado extraordinaire. View all posts by Betty Beat

5 responses to “C’est Cheese!

  • Lila Lyric

    Ok. First – I read it as ‘cheese-pounding’ on the Celine vid, not chest-pounding. Not sure which is funnier, I know which is punnier. Snerk,

    HATE – More than Words. HATE. HATE.

    RIP Michael Hutchence – still love that song.

    Wham! and George Michael can take their punctuation and go away. Never ever was a I fan, even in my teenie-bopper years.

    MeatLoaf has to be listened to on 8-track in a 70’s Thunderbird to get the full cheese effect – none of this 90’s Meat either – BAT OUTTA HELL.

    Sigh. Rattle & Hum, what a fanfuckingtastic album. As for U2 love songs my pick is Red Hill Mining Town. Weird I know. I have a new appreciation for Edge as a guitarist now after watching “It Might Get Loud”.

    My current fav love song is ‘Love Interruption’ – I want love to walk right up and bite me, who wouldn’t?

    My current fav cheese is gouda.

    Word.

  • Anne

    Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes
    Lloyd Dobbler…sigh…

  • Liz Kogan

    Best.picks.ever.
    Chees-tacular!!

    Someone asked me today what was my fave Val song and I said: Wicked Game by Chris Isaak 😉

  • Steel Man

    Truly a great read. So many memories from school dances. Love the alliterations too. You know I have a particular preferential penchant for them. Too much? Sorry, I forced it. Again, great piece.

  • Scott

    Wow Betty! I think every single song on this list I slow danced to. Some good and some bad. I agree with Lyla on Extreme – having to listen to that song over and over again on a school bus ride from Kentucky back to Canada was the worst day of my life that I can never get back. LOL Favorite “love” song is Lovesong by the Cure or Close to Me 🙂

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